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Starting Yet Again

Well it has been a hard few weeks for me.

Of course, I had many reasons to feel bad. My tooth hurt. Both my shoulders hurt. I worked five weeks without a break. The event, on the 26th while a success on many levels, did not raise nearly as much money as needed to keep staff on. My decision to keep them on nonetheless has brought Next Steps to near bankruptcy. On Friday, I laid off staff anyway because Next Steps could not afford them..

Yet that does seem to be a good enough reason me for me responding as I did.  I took to my bed. I did not focus and made bad decisions.   I missed meetings that were important to me. I did not honor commitments I made. I am ashamed.

Someone has suggested that means that I am powerless. I suppose that is true… but I believe that my acceptance of that fact is harmful to me. I need to believe that I can, by the power of my will, change my life. If I accept that I am powerless then my life is over although the pain will continue.

Another way to put that is: Reasonable people adapt to the world as it is; unreasonable people do not. Therefore all progress is made by unreasonable people. I will continue to be unreasonable.

I got the painful tooth pulled. I got steroid shots in both shoulders.

I spoke at a CIT training. I had a telephone conference with a potential Friend of Next Steps. I attended part of a training on framing our message.

I am not going to kill myself today or tomorrow, I might as well try to make the world a better place. Please join me in this pledge.

Helpless, Hopeless and Lonely

I feel helpless, hopeless and lonely.

For last few weeks, I have not done as much as I would like.

I am tired and I hurt.

I find being around people painful.

I am ashamed.

The key word is “feel.” In the past, these feelings have been less intense. They almost never go completely away.  I suspect that they will subside again. I also suspect that they will rise up again.

It is my responsibility to have those feelings cause as little pain for myself and others as I can.

The key words are “as I can.”

I can only do what I can do. I always, almost by definition, do the best I can with what I know. I take my responsibilities very seriously. I always have. Yet in the past similar feelings has caused great problems for me and others. I hope that I have learned a little about making them cause fewer and less significant problems for me and others.

Perhaps the key word is “hope.” I do not know that I can. I hope that I can make my feelings cause fewer and less significant problems.

Well, I will not kill myself today or tomorrow so I might as well try to make the world a better place.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faTovfkLayI

Rock the vote for mental health

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2010-10-04/news/ct-met-illinois-governor-race-20101001_1_republican-bill-brady-pat-quinn-democratic-lieutenant-governor-nomination

Gov. Quinn and challenger Bill Brady in statistical dead heat according to latest polls. I am echoing comments made by Fred F. in our brief staff meeting yesterday, we need to get people out to vote.

Early voting has commenced, you can contact your local city government to find out where you can vote.  We will take people to vote.  Funding is critical, and we need to get out there and get our members out there.

Just to show how easy it is in our “Age of Information” to find your local early voting site, I came up with this link for the City of Chicago in about 8 seconds

http://www.chicagoelections.com/page.php?id=9

Do Justice

Tonight I had opportunity to attend a public meeting that addressed issues such as diversity in the workforce, safe affordable housing and a responsible budget.  In attendance were leaders from faith communities, elected officials and representatives from various minority organizations. 

This was an informational meeting and there was not opportunity for those in attendance to provide input.  ie: I couldn’t say what was boiling inside of me.  It bothered me that persons with disabilities, were excluded from the information that was being presented.  There was information about employment and housing that didn’t take into consideration those of us who are unable to work due to living with debilitating mental health conditions which we did not choose to have.  There was also valuable information about having a responsible budget, yet the material was presented without any representation from disability stakeholders. 

Afterwards, I had opportunity to chat with the individual who had invited me.  I tried to express my thoughts to him and now I will try to express them to you.  The whole meeting was about equality and social justice, yet we were left out.  Persons living with mental health conditions were not included in the planning, and as a result, not represented in the presentation.  Then my friend said to me, “AJ, that’s why we need you to get involved.” 

I must admit, my gut response was no way.  I did not want to be part of any group where I felt so completely unwelcome.  Yet I know that my friend spoke words of truth and I also know there is not enough of me to go around.  If we do not actively participate in our community and make our needs known, we are demonstrating that we are content with our world as it is.  Next Steps needs your prescence in community discussions.  Are you willing to volunteer?

First Post

I am not going to kill myself, today or tomorrow, so I might as well try to make the world a better place.

The last few weeks have been hard for me. No good reason, it just seems to be the way my body and mind reacts.

I want to make the world a better place. If I cannot do that, and I do not know if I can, I want it said when I die (apologies to Martin Luther King), “He tried to do good. He tried to give food to the hungry, power to powerless and hope to those without hope.”

I want you, whoever is reading this, to make a similar pledge. Tomorrow, you will not kill yourself, and you try to make the world a better place.

I cannot do this by myself and I do not want to.

You take it from here

Alternatives Conference

September 29th – October 3rd I attended the Alternatives Conference in Anaheim, California.  The conference was about promoting wellness through social justice, was funded by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) and organized by the National Empowerment Center.  I was afforded the opportunity to attend on scholarship, for which I am very grateful to Next Steps NFP.

So instead of giving you a rundown on the sessions I attended, I thought I would share with you my favorite quotes from the conference.  Enjoy!

“Five days can pass before you know it, but the gifts you give can change a life…”  -Gentleman who gave opening benediction

“We don’t want to get trapped only in peer support.  People should have employment positions at all levels of administration.”  -Dan Fisher, National Empowerment Center

“When budget cuts have to come, let’s re-examine our priorities.”  -Lou Correa, California Senator

“People recover.  It’s not about systems and services.  It’s about people’s lives.”  -Pam Hyde, SAMHSA

“Relationships are built on trust and knowledge.”  -Fred Friedman, Next Steps NFP

“Any time you speak with a federal agent, you are giving input.”  -Shawn Terrell, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services/Office of Disability

“Policymakers and providers both need a better understanding of medicaid reimbursement for consumer-driven care.”  -John O’Brien, SAMHSA

“Medicaid is the largest payer for behavioral health services in America, yet it is not designed specifically for mental health/substance abuse.”  -Barbara Coulter Edwards, Center for Medicaid Services

“Storytelling causes us to shift from negative circumstances to person-hood…when we tell our story, it opens the door for others to do so…storytelling is connected to leadership.”  Leah Harris, National Empowerment Center

“You cannot heal me without my cooperation.”  -Carol Patterson, Attendee

“We must evolve emotionally and disregard our old unhealthy habits as we would old clothes that no longer fit.”  -Alexander Bingham, Presenter

“…transparency is not about telling everybody everything.”  -Brenda Vezina-Jodaitis, Central Massachusetts Recovery Learning Community

“Don’t die with your rights on.”  -Sheryle Stafford, California Association of Social Rehabilitation Agencies  Sheryl may have been quoting someone else…I’m not quite sure, but decided to post these words because they have value.

“Before you speak, make sure it is kind, true, helpful and necessary.”  -Attendee

“Community organizing is all about building people power.”  -David Oaks, MindFreedom International

“Stop writing people a blank check because they have a disability.”  -David Oaks

“I was recording the story so I could come back and do something about it.”  -Sally Zinman, Alameda County (California) Behavioral Health Care Services

“Talk to people.  They are our greatest natural resource.”  -Vanessa Jean Landau, HEROES Project

Let me leave you with one pearl that was prompted by Presenter Alexandar Bingham.  He said that ”anyone is capable of breaking down” and as he said those words, I couldn’t help but think that if anyone is capable of breaking down, then anyone is capable of being restored…and you can quote me on that!

Next Steps organizer quoted in TV story

Photo of AJ French

AJ French

A conference speaking gig by Next Steps’ AJ French led to her being quoted by a television reporter who attended. Clad in her “I am one of those people!” Next Steps T-shirt, AJ did a great job and spread important awareness about mental health.

Watch the spot:

http://www.wsiltv.com/p/news_details.php?newsID=11276&type=health

Mental Health Rally at the Thompson Center Wednesday, 10-6-2010

Mental Health Rally 10-6-10 at the Thompson CenterOn a gorgeous Indian Summer day in Chicago, mental health consumers and supporters convened on the Thompson Center downtown.  They gathered in hopes of drawing attention to the continuing funding crisis of mental health programs faced by various state, county, local and community agencies.

The rally was well attended by Illinois mental health “celebrities” like Mark Heyrmann, Fred Friedman and other notable speakers.   Representatives from NAMI, Thresholds and many
read more…

Let’s GO!

Sunday, September 26th I rode a chartered bus to Chicago to attend “Stepping UP! A Celebration of Transformation and Growth” which was the first-ever statewide meeting for Next Steps NFP.  What an honor to be part of such a celebratory and historic occasion!  Years from now, I can envision someone saying to me “remember being in that overcrowded church basement where there was standing room only?”  I remember it and will remember it well!

As we departed each bus stop, I would ask “Are we ready to move forward in Illinois?” and the battle-cry was “Let’s go!” followed by applause for both hearing and deaf persons.  read more…

One Nation March in Washington DC

"One of those people" loose in the capital

I attended this assembly of progressives in our Nation’s capital, and while I was pleased to see the large number of groups, I was disappointed that only one elected official spoke, and that was Congressman Luis Gutierrez of Illinois.  The focus of speeches of most of the people I heard were concerning getting our nation back to work.

I was glad I could show my solidarity with fellow progressives in what is sure to be a key election coming up.  We rode on bus organized by a radio station in Madison, and we met some great people on our trip.  I hope they turn into new friends.

Now I have to get some organizing going on, and get some people downtown on Wednesday to the “Rescue community Care” rally downtown at the Thompson center. Who’s with me?!?!?
read more…